By KATH GANNAWAY
STEREOTYPES and stigma are two words which crop up regularly in any conversation about single parents.
But there is a whole new vocabulary coming out of a group of single parents who meet regularly in Warburton – empowerment, strength, recognition, value… among them.
Melissa Gunner, Tass Holmes and Kate Bamford are three Upper Yarra women who are parenting on their own and sharing their experiences with others as part of their Talking Circle for Single Parents.
The workshops, which attract about six to eight women, aim to realistically portray the experiences of single parents and, importantly, explore future options at a time when they say it is becoming increasingly demanding to be a single parent, particularly in a rural community.
The women said their realistic approach incorporates the fact that some of the most successful, innovative and resourceful members of society are single parents… and are among the poorest.
“They face many of the greatest challenges while performing the most important job in society – raising children,” said Melissa who adds recent changes to parenting allowances have seen a huge reduction in income for many single parent families.
“Many single families of three are expected to survive on less than $140 a week each for food, clothing, board, bills, education and medical expenses,” she said.
The group challenges the misconceptions and stereotypes that fuel a negative view of single parents that makes it acceptable for government policy which further marginalises them and which the women said devalues their contribution and ignores the practicalities of raising children alone.
“We have a highly educated group of people in this group, really articulate, resilient and resourceful,” said Kate.
“There is a huge underestimation of how single mums contribute to society… volunteers going to the schools in class, parents and friends, working bees… these things go under the radar, are unspoken, and yet they save the community millions.”
The issues for these and other women in the rural townships of Yarra Ranges are diverse and the one-size-fits-all rules often don’t work when there is no extended family to call on, extremely limited public transport, few jobs, and even less that fit with school hours.
The women ask, what age do you leave children at home alone when you have to leave at 7am, possibly earlier, to start work at 9am down the line?
How do you physically, emotionally and mentally meet the needs of your children 24/7, and meet the Newstart work obligations?
“When you’re the only one, it’s hard,” said Melissa.
“When there is a partner, there is some sort of back up, they can stay with a sick child while you ring the ambulance, or drive a child to hospital; help with homework or transport to sport, to school… you are responsible full time.”
Dragging a younger sibling out of bed at 11 or 12 at night to pick up a teenager from a party is more than disruptive, it’s distressing, and, it’s hard work.
Leaving them at home alone is not an option.
Leaving their children without a vision for the future is also not an option.
“Somehow you have to convince the child their life is going to be more than just survival,” Melissa said but, as Tess points out, when someone is living below the poverty line it is not easy to create or maintain an environment of equality.
Kate acknowledges the problems, but said she feels it’s time for active solutions, something they all want.
“I’ve got to the point where I know what the problem is and I look at this group of women who are where we are now, highly skilled, because of our circumstances,” she said.
She sees the group as an advance party willing to identify the actions needed to grasp them as a starting point for change.
The women see having a meeting with Centrelink general manager Hank Jongen as a priority.
“Centrelink issues are huge for single parents,” Kate said.
“We’d like him to sit in the circle with us so we can hear him, and tell him how it is for us.”
Mr Jongen and, with an election coming up, local politicians and candidates, can expect an invitation from the women some time soon.
Phone Melissa on 0457 147 585 for details on the Talking Circle.
