Mary Bariola with a picture of her son Mark who died in a car crash 12 years ago. “It’s a part of you that’s gone,” she says.
By Mara Pattison Sowden
EVERY year Mary Bariola leaves flowers at the place in St Huberts Lane where her son left this world.
With tears in her eyes she talks about the day that 34-year-old Mark died in a car accident 12 years ago, which saw him leave behind his wife and unborn child.
This week she threw her support behind the Talk the Toll Down campaign.
Mary says he had begun a happy period of his life beginning to settle down and start a family.
But she knew something had gone wrong on the afternoon of the accident, because Mark was due home from work and he was always on time.
When his wife Janet called Mary an hour later, and told her Mark still wasn’t home, they began calling hospitals.
No one had any answers until Janet called Triple-zero and began explaining to the operator the route that Mark took to get home.
When she mentioned that he would drive down St Huberts Road to get back to Healesville, the operator went silent on the other end of the line.
It was already late and dark at night, but Mary and Janet decided to drive along the route that Mark took home, when they saw a car door and the pack rack from the top of the car on the side of the road, being picked up by a tow-truck driver.
The police told them at the scene what had happened. How Mark had tried to pass the truck in front of him, but lost control on the newly-laid gravel and his car hit a tree.
Mary says she knew Mark was in the wrong, but nobody liked to stay behind a truck.
“It is such a dangerous road, and you can never be too careful when driving,” she said.
Mary says she cannot forget the trauma of that night.
“I’ve worked my life around the grief but life is still 100 per cent different when you lose a child,” she said.
“It’s a part of you that’s gone.”
Sadly Mark was not able to witness the birth of his daughter Grace, she was born four months after the accident.
“At least I am lucky enough that Mark left a piece of him behind,” she said.
Mary says she struggled to cope with her grief after Mark died, but found it helpful to talk about her pain.
“It is important to know that the way you are feeling is the right way to feel, if you feel like you need to talk about it, talk, if you need to cry, cry,” Mary said.
Mary is now in her fourth year of running a social luncheon group for Yarra Valley’s Compassionate Friends, a support group for bereaved parents and siblings.
Mary says talking gives the other parents courage, and just listening to them can help.
“I now spend part of my life helping other people like me, the ones that need to talk about our kids,” she said.
The group meets on the third Thursday of the month and Mary can be contacted on 5962 3287 for further information.
