Mary Bariola finds that talking about her grief can help. 58606
– Mara Pattison-Sowden
EVERY year Mary Bariola leaves flowers at the place in St Huberts Road, Coldstream, where her son left this world.
With tears in her eyes she talks about the day that 34-year-old Mark died in a car accident that saw him leave behind his wife and unborn child 12 years ago.
Mary said he had begun a happy period in his life as he focused on settling down and starting a family.
She said she knew something had gone wrong on the afternoon of the accident because Mark was due home from work and he was always on time.
When his wife Janet called Mary an hour after he was due home and told her Mark still wasn’t home, they began calling hospitals.
They could not get any information until Janet called Triple -zero and began explaining to the operator the route that Mark took to get home.
When she mentioned that he would drive down St Huberts Road to get back to Healesville, the operator went silent on the other end of the line.
It was late when Mary and Janet decided to trace Mark’s route and they soon saw a car door and pack rack being cleared away by a tow-truck driver.
“We found his car door on the side of the road, but nothing else,” she said.
“I ran up to the driver, asking him where my son was.”
The police hadn’t contacted the family yet, but when Mary called from the tow-trucks’ phone, “they told us to stay put, they would come to us”.
When police arrived at the scene they told the women what had happened.
They explained how Mark had tried to pass the truck in front of him but lost control on the newly-laid gravel and his car hit a tree.
Before he died, Mark told the people who came to his aid that he could hear the ambulance coming.
Mary said she cannot forget the trauma of that night.
“I’ve worked my life around the grief but life is still 100 per cent different when you lose a child,” she said.
“It’s a part of you that’s gone.”
Sadly Mark was not able to witness the birth of his daughter Grace – she was born four months after the accident.
“At least I am lucky enough that Mark left a piece of him behind,” she said.
Mary said she struggled to cope with her grief after Mark died, but found it helpful to talk about her pain.
“It is important to know that the way you are feeling is the right way to feel, if you feel like you need to talk about it, talk. If you need to cry, cry,” Mary said.
Mary is now in her fourth year of running a social luncheon group for Yarra Valley’s Compassionate Friends, a support group for bereaved parents and siblings.
Mary says talking gives the other parents courage, and just listening to them can help.
“I now spend part of my life helping other people like me, the ones that need to talk about our kids,” she said.
The group meets on the third Thursday of the month, the next meeting will be on 20 January, and Mary can be contacted on 5962 3287 for further information.
